Snow has won!

This just in: APS has called the race.

Waiting for a few more precincts to report, Albuquerque Public Schools had delayed their decision until about 7am, but now they feel confident in announcing that Snow has secured the 270 electoral college votes needed to win.

There will be no school today.

“I was really feeling confident that we would be able to get kids into school. We made a last push with campaign stops that included me using my most gruff voice with our City of Albuquerque Snowplow Department to plead them to work faster,” remarked one school board member as he wept.

In the end, Snow just had more than what APS could handle. Attack ads and their campaign “Don’t let Snow ruin your child’s education” just didn’t seem to resonate enough with voters or Mother Earth this time around.

Snow, for her part, is excited to take over, even if only for a day.

In a press conference just moments ago, flanked by her allies – Wind, Rain, Hail, and Really Bad Wind – she spoke to an empty auditorium in downtown Albuquerque:

“I am so honored to stand before none of you today. You have been given a chance to breathe deep and sigh, as I have made the roads un-passable. Enjoy time being not here, not in school, and at home with one another.

It was a tough campaign. We had a few last-minute hiccups on the campaign trail that made me wonder if this day was going to be possible. The temps threatened to be above freezing and just yesterday my campaign staff huddled, wondering if we should concede the race to Rain and put our support behind her.

But you, the American People (and the Atmosphere and all the little kids who prayed for a snow day), have spoken and have spoken loudly. You wanted Snow and we delivered – in fact, that was our one and only campaign promise and I am not really sure where we go from here. Like, now that we defeated Albuquerque Public Schools, do we just melt away as past Snow victories have done, usually in a matter of hours?

And before I go, I do want to address our friends at the Snowplow Department. Just let us be for a moment, would ya? Let Snow have its moment!"

Lots more to come, and we will make sure to keep you all updated.

Signing out from a snowy wonderland,

Anthony.