Three Simple Rules for Speaking

My neighbor had a decision to make.

He had paid for a wall to be built and it wasn’t built correctly. In fact, it was leaning and looking ready to fall.

In talking with him, I asked what he was going to do. He mentioned that he could ask a state agency to come out and determine if the wall was constructed correctly, which would be a “no”.

“And then you could get your money back, right?” I asked.

“Not sure. What I am sure of is that it would cause a lot of trouble for the guy who did the wall who was falsely claiming to be licensed.”

Pause.

“But why would I do that? It would ruin him. And I would likely still have a wall that needs to be re-done.”

 

In the last weeks, I have thought a lot about his decision not to pursue retribution for being misled, for paying for wall that was now falling.

Moreover, I thought about his consideration of the harm it would cause another person in this moment where he was the victim.

 

A gentle reminder and an important teaching for all of us today.

Asking ourselves three questions before speaking:

Is it true?

Is it necessary?

Is it kind?

This sentiment is found in many of the world’s religions; a quick web search will result in Buddha, Rumi and others linked to such questioning.

These three specific questions were posed by a Victorian poet, Mary Ann Pietzker, who published a poem “It is True? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?” in 1872. I will share that piece here, and get out of the way.

 

“Is It True? Is It Necessary? Is It Kind?

 

Oh! Stay, dear child, one moment stay,

Before a word you speak,

That can do harm in any way

To the poor, or to the weak;

And never say of any one

What you’d not have said of you,

Ere you ask yourself the question,

“Is the accusation true?”

And if ’tis true, for I suppose

You would not tell a lie;

Before the failings you expose

Of friend or enemy:

Yet even then be careful, very;

Pause and your words well weigh,

 

And ask if it be necessary,

What you’re about to say.

And should it necessary be,

At least you deem it so,

Yet speak not unadvisedly

Of friend or even foe,

Till in your secret soul you seek

For some excuse to find;

 

And ere the thoughtless word you speak,

Ask yourself, “Is it kind?”

 

When you have ask’d these questions three—

True,—Necessary,—Kind,—

Ask’d them in all sincerity,

I think that you will find,

It is not hardship to obey

The command of our Blessed Lord,—

No ill of any man to say;

No, not a single word.

Healing Tears

 

The tears of grieving

water the seeds of growth

 

The tears of grieving

cleanse the dirt, 

using it 

2

nourish new life

into being

 

The tears of grieving

dilute the pain

2

become

homeopathic

dosing

4

healing

~~~~~~

Healing Tears is a visual art and poetry collaboration as part of a larger project, Our Natural Body Through Art and Word. This collaboration allows visual and poetry art to translate and transform one another. 

Lindsey Hancock (visual artist, UNM Medical Student hailing from the Choctaw Nation) and myself take pieces that the other has done and create the complement. 

In the case of Healing Tears, Anthony created a poem and Lindsey then created art in response.

Fan Mail: Fleg Sighting at the Olympics??

This week, I will address a fan mail letter on the show. (You mean, you haven’t sent a letter in yet? Shame on you!)

 

Dear Dr. Fleg,

I was excited to see that you are taking part in the Paris Olympics. How do you find time to do it all? And will you also be a part of the medical team there? Finally, could you get me a signature from Snoop Dogg while you are there?

Sincerely,

Katie S.

Portland, Maine

 

Dear Katie,

It is wonderful that you took the time to write. 

I didn’t realize the internet stretched all the way to Maine. You mean to tell me that when I post something on Writing to Heal, it actually makes it all the way over there? Wow!

Anyway, I want to clear up the confusion. I am DR Fleg but it is DJ Fleg who is participating in the Olympics. 

I know – only one letter difference, but we are different people. I use a stethoscope and he uses turntables. I sign patient charts, while he signs his fans' biceps with a Sharpie.

Katie, as you may know, breakdancing is making its debut in the Olympics this year. My youngest brother, Steve (DJ Fleg) who is known around the world in the hip hop community, was asked to be one of the two DJs to spin tunes for the dancers as they compete for gold. He surprised us recently with the news that he was heading to Paris.

Finally, a Fleg made it to the Olympics!

But listen, if you want to come to Albuquerque for a health maintenance visit, I am here for you. Just call our clinic and tell them you want the stethoscope Fleg, not the turntable one.

In health,

Dr. (not DJ) Fleg

p.s. Here's an article from LA Times on breakdancing + DJ Fleg for you - click here

A picture of DJ Fleg's Olympic credentials, snapped from my parent's kitchen counter

Weini's Journey to Paris

A week from today, the Paris Olympics will kick off.

The journey to get there for each of the thousands of athletes is incredible. Years of sacrifice and training to be the best. A chance to represent their country on the world’s largest stage.

This morning, I want to share with you an interview I did with an Olympian that has an incredible story.

Her name is Weini Kelati, and she recently won the 10,000 meter race in Eugene, OR at the U.S. Olympic Trials. She was also a standout and NCAA Champion for the Lobos.

I wrote about her journey three years ago, as she frantically worked through the U.S. citizenship process in the week of the 2021 U.S. Olympic Trials. Imagine trying to juggle the demands of preparing to race against the best in the country while not knowing in the days before the competition if you would be allowed to compete. Here is the 2021 blog on that moment for Weini: https://writingtoheal1.blogspot.com/2021/07/weinis-race.html

Excerpts from our conversation, with Weini in Switzerland training with her Under Armour team and me sitting at Flying Star trying not to annoy those seated in the tables next to me.

 

Weini after passing into 1st place with 50 meters to go

Anthony: First of all, a big congratulations. You are heading to the Olympics and you are the U.S. Champion. How does it feel?

Weini: It took me so long to cross the line. It has been a 10-year journey.

A: Can you remind us a bit about the journey you have taken to get here.

W: It was ten years ago, on this same track in Eugene. I was here for a youth world championships when I made the difficult decision to defect to the United States. It was hard, telling my family back in Eritrea that I wasn’t coming home. Then, in 2021 the unknown here in Eugene during the Olympic Trials. We didn’t know if I would be allowed to compete. I was finally cleared to run, and the race temperature was extremely hot. I dropped out before finishing, as did many others. And then the following year in Eugene, at the U.S. Championships, I was 4^th in the 10,000m, just missing the chance to go to the World Championships. (Top 3 from the U.S.A. in a given event go to Olympics/Worlds, with World Championships being run in non-Olympic years.)

A: That really puts into perspective what you said about it taking so long to cross the line. Weini, take us to the race itself. What were you thinking at the starting line?

W: I was saying to myself, “I am prepared for this. Stay focused. Stay patient.”

A: With one lap to go, you had moved into a pack of three that was in the lead. What were you thinking at this point in the race?

W: I wondered, “Should I go? Should I make my move now?” With about 200 to go, I made my move. I tried and pushed to the lead. But it didn’t work and they passed me, and so I tried again.

A: That was quite remarkable. Usually when someone makes a move to the lead in the last 200 and then gets passed, you don’t see them recover and win the race. In fact, the announcers said just that, and seemed to have given up on you having a chance to win.

W: I guess it’s a good thing I couldn’t hear the announcers! Yes, I just felt I had to give it another push and I knew I could win it.

A: Weini, as we close, what would you like to say the people of New Mexico as you head to Paris?

W: I want to say thank you. I am here because of you guys. It motivates me to do more work, when I see the support from my Lobo family. It makes me proud to be a Lobo and I hope to make you smile big when you see me racing for the USA in Paris.

So, my friends, you now have someone to cheer for on August 9^th when the women’s 10,000 meter race takes place in Paris. 

Let’s go, Weini!!

Watch the U.S. Olympic Trials 10,000m finish for yourself!

Breaking News: Hammock Adventures @ UNM

The hammock was transported by bike to campus, stuffed into the water bottle holder space on the bike to avoid suspicion.

In fact, it was smuggled in, right by the “fun police” who are hired to make sure that only work items make it onto campus.

With deft, we had dismantled the “fun detectors” that we walk through to get to our cubicles.

This, ladies and gentleman is how a hammock came to be on campus earlier this week.

Distracting people with an email about new cybersecurity threats and the latest COVID numbers, we tiptoed like veteran ballerinas to two trees that had agreed to take part in our plot.

The hammock was hung.

It was tested to make sure that fun would not turn into disaster. It passed the test.

Then, out of nowhere, our Executive Vice President, Dr. Ziedonis, came sauntering by. It seemed he was having fun, but we know that sometimes leaders are allowed to break the rules. So we didn’t say anything.

Until he yawned.

That’s when we offered the hammock.

“Not for fun, sir. No we would never think of bringing fun to campus. Just a place where you might rest for a moment so that the serious work of the day can be even more productive than ever. By the way, have you heard about the new COVID numbers? Will classes return to virtual next week?”

He took the bait.

We got him set up. The hammock had never seen such a well-dressed person in its loving grasp.

We winked at the hammock. “Remember, disguise the fun, alright? Our jobs are on the line.”

Heading to work today.

Hoping pink slip isn’t awaiting me.

And if you would please not show this blog to the “fun police”, we would be most appreciative.

 

In health,

WORK (We Only bring Real serious stuff to Kampus) Committee of UNM Health Sciences Campus

p.s. Those are definitely not smiles on our faces in the picture. 

July 4th - Patriotism Revisited

When I fly the American flag this July 4^th,

I am celebrating family and community.

I am excited once again for parades that may (again!) underwhelm and disappoint.

I am ready to see pyrotechnicians light up the sky, uniting us all under their glow.

 

When I fly the American flag this July 4^th,

I am acknowledging the violence this flag represents to those who were on this land before, to those who were brought against their will to this land, and to the many people today, within and beyond our borders, on whom we inflict violence.

 

When I fly the American flag this July 4^th,

I am doing so with hope that we become a nation where all colors of skin, gender identities, and backgrounds are loved by society and the laws for who they are. That we protect, not attack, people for who they are.

 

When I fly the American flag this July 4^th,

I am committing myself to use my privilege, position, energy and voice to advocate for the forgotten in our society, working to live out and up to our lofty ideals of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for everyone.

 

When I fly the American flag this July 4^th,

I am hopeful that we find moral and spiritual foundation to distribute all that we have – wealth, knowledge, technology, etc. – more equitably.

 

When I fly the American flag this July 4^th,

I am celebrating interdependence, not independence. In this, I choose to focus on the beautiful, interconnected web of all life and on my part in sustaining this web for the humans and other life forms that depend on me to do so. (Lots of great articles on Interdependence and 4th of July, and here is a short one to share.)

 

And so, I ask you, dear readers, to find your own answers and reasons. 

When you think of July 4^th, what are you celebrating? 

What are you hopeful for? 

What are you committing to?

 

p.s. Leave the pyrotechnics to the experts. Fingers are good things to keep.

What Healing Looks Like

Thank you again to the wonderful people who contributed to today's collective piece - exploring what healing looks like.

To me healing looks like...

the smile of a child

neighbors talking to each other outside their houses

 

water cupped in my hand

nature

the end of a hurricane, when the clouds have subsided and the trees and plants take a big sigh of relief

laying a solid foundation for future generations

a block party, a healthy forest, souls connecting

a sincere smile of happiness

walking in the imperfections and gracefully being

Ubuntu – I am because you are. I see you

a steady ocean, smooth and calming

the eastern glow that precedes the sunrise

the warm embrace of relatives at a long overdue family reunion

smiles, eye contact and openness

recognizing our living ancestors on this plane of existence

the rays of sunlight bursting off my skin after emerging from a cold plunge into the roaring river

taking time to be with me in a loving, gentle and nurturing way

the pain Jesus endured for me

trees all over the city green with the leaves of spring

the sold-out crowd watching NM United scoring a go-ahead goal in the 87^th minute

an ever-winding uphill climb

the first flowers in the fresh spring

a grove of healthy aspen trees, arms around each other in a circle, leaves whispering

“I LOVE YOU!”

Thanks to my cousin Carl for this pic from a morning run in Daytona Beach, FL.