The YES/NO Exercise

A wonderful Friday to each of you.

Some good friends and I had a conversation this week about the YES/NO Exercise, and I wanted to share this with you all.

For those who feel their plate is too full, or for those whose loved ones tell them so, this is a particularly important exercise.

The premise is simple – when we say YES to things in life, we are also saying NO to other things as a result. In that moment of saying YES to a new commitment, we would do well to think of the question: If I say YES to this, what am I saying NO to at the same time?

The simple truth underlying this: we have a finite amount of time and energy to give to the world, and by saying YES to one thing, we are indeed saying NO to other things.

In our conversation this week, we admitted that we tend to ignore the NO part of the equation entirely, for a variety of reasons. In terms of saying YES to giving more (e.g. signing up for a volunteer cause, agreeing to serve on a board, etc) we feel guilty thinking about the things we would be saying NO to. Things like time with family, self-care, time to pursue a hobby, etc. Those things don’t feed our ego and our need to be relevant in the world in the same way that some of the things we say YES to might, but without these things, we begin to crumble at our core. And the plate gets more and more crowded.

Putting it into practice:

1. Take something that you have said YES to in the last month. List the positives that this YES has had for you.

2. Now, think about what things you gave up by taking this thing on, the things you said NO to.

3. Given what this YES has brought you AND what it has forced you to say NO to, how do you feel about this decision?

This might not come naturally at first – most folks struggle with the NO part of the exercise. I liken the YES/NO Exercise to a muscle; it is going to need to be worked on for it to get stronger.

And its okay if you find yourself resisting. “I can say YES and just become more efficient and therefore don’t have to say NO to anything.” That’s the voice that goes off in my head when I try to rationalize putting more on an already over-filled plate.

I hope this is helpful, and is something you can begin to do more regularly. If you, like me, find yourself looking for more hours in the day to get everything done, I think the issue isn’t the clock – the issue is that we have to get better at saying NO, really weighing out the YES/NO consequences for each thing we commit to.

I think this exercise helps us YES people get better at saying NO.

I have one corollary before I go. Do you have another moment?

When we say NO to things, what are we saying YES to? When I, despite my propensity to say YES to everything, actually say “NO, I can’t take that Saturday commitment on.” I should do the same exercise as above, this time validating what I am saying YES to in that decision. “By saying no to this added commitment, I am giving myself a chance to get my hands in the dirt and plant a garden with my family this spring.”

Now, friends, get to the gym and start building the YES/NO muscle!

A Sacred Moment

In our house, this is a special moment. We are fasting for Ramadan this month.

The way that fasting itself makes us rise for 5am morning meals and prayer and the way it brings us together again for iftars (meals to break the fast) are beautiful. Seeing the children making efforts to observe the fast inspires Shannon and me as parents.

Ramadan is a chance to step back from the normal, taking away food and drink, to help de-clutter the rest of our lives. It is beautiful in its simplicity. It is strong medicine that works as a spiritual laxative, cleaning us out.

As a family, we also reflect on how our observance ties in with others.

Today in the Jewish calendar is Purim, a joyous Jewish holiday celebrating the rescue of the Persian Jewish community from a genocide plot, as told in the Book of Esther. Like Ramadan, charity is a focus of the holiday.

Meanwhile, we are in the 13^th day of Lent, a time for increased prayer, fasting and charity in the Catholic tradition that runs for 40 days, ending in Easter.

The Baha’i community has entered their Holy Month of Ala as of March 1^st with a 19-day fast that leads them to Naw-Ruz, the Baha’i New Year. Giving to others is again emphasized, particularly in the days before the fast begins.

Many of our Indigenous communities also observe periods of fasting and ceremony at this time of the year.

Add to that the lunar eclipse of this morning and you can’t help but feel that this is a blessed moment.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I invite you to step back today, taking a few moments/minutes/hours to breathe in the collective focus, wisdom and intention from these traditions:

Prayer and seeking guidance from Creator

Giving to others, caring for those around us

Suffering in small ways to help us see our blessings more clearly

Decluttering our lives, so that we can focus on things most important

Blessings to each and every one of you!

¡Medicina Sin Fronteras!

A poem today, first in Spanish and then translated to English...excited to hear your reflections on the piece! 

This piece was inspired by a recent trip to Universidad Intercultural del Estado de Mexico in San Felipe del Progresso, about 3 hours north of Mexico City.

Medicina Sin Fronteras

 

La medicina           no sabe fronteras

                               no tiene comprensión

                               ni conceptualización

                                                                        de las fronteras

La medicina           no honra fronteras

                               no dar poder

                               ni atención

                                                                        de las fronteras

La medicina,           como el agua

                                como las animales abajo y las pajaritos arriba

                                no entiende estas líneas de violencia y separación

 

¿Pues, somos la medicina, no?

¿Tenemos en nuestras corazones y oraciones la medicina, no?

(¿Farmacias? Ellas tienen pastillas)

 

Entonces,

Porque somos            la medicina

           ¡no respectamos!

           ¡no honramos!

           ¡no damos poder!             

           ni atención

a las fronteras

 

¡Medicina Sin Fronteras!

¡Medicina Sin Fronteras!

 

 

Medicine Without Borders

 

The medicine            doesn’t know borders

                                  doesn’t have a comprehension of

           nor a conceptualization of

                                                          the borders

The medicine             doesn’t honor borders

           doesn’t give power

           nor attention

                                                                                   to the borders

The medicine,            like the wáter

           like the animals below and the birds above

           doesn’t understand these lines of violence and separation.

 

But, we are the medicine, right?

We have, in our hearts and prayers, the medicine, right?

(Pharmacies? They have pills.)

 

Then,

Because we are the medicine

                                   we cannot respect

                                   we cannot honor

                                   we cannot give power to

                                   nor attention

                                                                                    to the borders

 

Medicine Without Borders!

Medicine Without Borders!

Trying to Turn My Phone Off

I walked into the phone store, trying to exude confidence.

[I think for many of us who are over the age of 40, the phone store inherently feels like a place where young, tech-savvy staff are ready to make us feel like fools from the dinosaur age. When they start making references to mid-20^th century technology, you know you are in trouble. “Well, do you remember how you would dial on a rotary phone that was powered by the hand crank?”]

 

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, I have a problem. I can’t figure out how to turn my phone off.”

First thought of the staff member: “For realz? Another geezer from the stone age!”

Second thought of the staff member: “Why would any human being, at any time, want to turn their phone off?”

Trying to hold back what I sensed was a mixture of laughter and scorn, they asked me to tell them a bit more.

 

Here was the issue. I like having my phone completely off a few times a week. And in a strange twist, the two-button method that used to turn off my phone now turns ON an AI feature.

Take that in for a moment. What a symbol of our world. The buttons that used to help me escape tech had been updated to now draw me into AI.

As you hit those buttons, if you listen close, you hear an evil laugh and the voice from MJ’s Thriller saying, “So you thought you could turn the phone off, huh? You are in the hands of AI now, o little one!”

Well, it turns out that the tech person was not as concerned as I was that AI is taking over the world, one phone and device at a time. In fact, their solution was to hit the two buttons, summoning AI, and then asking AI for permission to turn the phone off. Not quite the answer I was looking for.

 

I am skeptical of AI in a big way. I sense that our world, akin to my phone, is going to push AI on us without our permission. Scratch that. I sense that our world is already pushing AI on us without our permission.

It is up to us – the rotary phone powered by a crank – folks to think critically about the value of being able to…well, being able to turn our phone off.

 

 

Our Dream

This is a collective piece, written by the amazing human beings who have supported me and inspired the Writing to Heal journey, now almost six years old. It marks the 200th blog in this project. 

People were asked to reflect on the previous piece and to finish a refrain used in Dr. King's speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in 1963 where he repeats, "We will not be satisfied until ____." 

Here, then, is our collective voice finishing that refrain in our current world, six decades later.

I will not be satisfied until

I am the best version of myself.

I am content with my life as it is.

People smile at one another as they pass by each other - instead of staring into their phones.

 

We will not be satisfied until

God's beautiful creation is at peace.

Humanity values itself and its environment

Our society sees through divisive politics and unites with common goals.

People realize that the media, left and right, have agendas and that a "news" story will be slanted to suit the narrative. Please wait until all the facts are known before flying into a rage.

 

We will not be satisfied until

There is peace and all people have access to care for their families. 

Every human, regardless of gender, is treated as equals from birth to death.

There is peace and all people have access to care for their families 

Every human being has full autonomy over their life, their choices and path forward.

 

We will not be satisfied until

Freedom is not a privilege but a birthright.

Every human mind can access quality education - regardless of the stage of life.

Every person has the opportunity to achieve equitable health outcomes.

 

We will not be satisfied until

We see and hear that the communities of color and children not feel threatened, unsafe, or harmed by action nor words from our own government. We need to do better in this U.S. Nation! 

Peace reaches all people.

All people throughout the world are given compassionate health care no matter their ability to pay for it.

We will not be satisfied until 

Our economy of extraction and unlimited “growth” one of mutual benefit, solidarity, and reciprocity towards both people and the planet.

We can see the humanity and worth in every human being.

Justice is real for everyone and we see each other for our shared humanity.

Poor children around the world are fed and safe and have a chance for a better life.

 

We will not be satisfied until

We are free from genocide.

Racism is extinct.

Everyone is treated as equal.

We can live in a world where we are not divided by hate.

 

We will not be satisfied until

Albuquerque is a place where every person has what they need to enjoy the pleasure of being alive.

Everyone feels a sense that they belong to something larger than themselves, and they see that reflected in the structures and the faces around them.

The health and well-being of children are at the center of all adult lives.

 

We will not be satisfied until

We live with love and respect in our stewardship of this earth.

Our children are safe, well-housed, well-fed, and loved.

We truly believe in the power of the creative arts to help us heal body, mind, and soul.

We make honesty, integrity, and LOVE an active part of our everyday lives.

 

We will not be satisfied until

Every unhoused individual finds shelter if they so choose.

Every empty stomach is filled.

We realize that we are ONE with all of creation.

 

Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we WILL be satisfied when

Love is seen as the only reality

 +

Gratitude fills every heart to overflowing.

The Dream

Is The Dream alive?

My children ask.

My own heart wonders.

When Dr. King rose to the podium in August of 1963, 250,000 people in front of him and the nation and world tuned in, he hadn’t planned to speak of the dream. The magnificent gospel singer Mahalia Jackson who sat behind him, shouted out “Martin, tell them about the dream.”

There are two themes in Dr. King’s speech in the moments before he decides to share about The Dream that I think are worth visiting.

First, a litany of lines that begin with “We cannot be satisfied until…”

He points out the many ways that racism continues to limit those of color, despite advances that the Civil Rights Movement had made.

Dr. King’s words:

We cannot be satisfied as long as the colored person’s basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one.

We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating “for white only.”

We cannot be satisfied as long as a colored person in Mississippi cannot vote and a colored person in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote.

Today, we might update the list. Our country and world still leaves behind too many, with greed and power threatening love and justice. I encourage you to make your individual list, “I will not be satisfied until ____”. Fill it in as many ways as you can. It might point you into directions of service and leadership for 2026, places where you can work on The Dream.

Dr. King ends that section with a powerful line that still rings true as a guide for today:

No, no we are not satisfied and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

The second theme comes in the line before he begins to share about The Dream. Can you remember this line? It is an admittance that there is good reason to want to give up. I sense that amongst my friends and neighbors at the moment. Too much heaviness. Too much violence. Not enough humanity and compassion. Not enough care for our ailing planet.

Here is the line:

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you, today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment,

I still have a dream.

It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My brothers and sisters, we let the “I am not satisfied until…” to re-commit ourselves to our neighbors and communities, to the pursuit of a more just society, and to the work of The Beloved Community. 

And we also acknowledge the despair as something to be overcome together, in community.

And then, we say in unison with Dr. King that despite the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, we are here to continue the work of The Dream.

 

Drawing from my daughter Shandiin

Meeting the excitement and pressure of the new year

8^th day of the new year.

A great moment to check in. How are you doing? How are you feeling? Energy level?

The first days of the new year come with a lot of excitement and a lot of pressure.

Excitement for the sense of renewal, and becoming better versions of ourselves. Excitement in putting the last year to rest and starting with a clean slate. Excitement at putting down some old habits and picking up some new habits.

Pressure to become better, to change, to have ambitious goals. We feel that pressure each time someone innocently asks us about our new year’s resolutions. However, a lot of the pressure in January is self-inflicted. It comes from a very good place – our desire to improve and enhance our lives and our living. And pressure, whether external or internal, can be a very good motivator for us to do things we would not otherwise do. Think back to coaches, teachers, and bosses you have had. The ones that got the most out of you probably did so through a healthy amount of pressure to succeed.

A few thoughts as we link arms to accept the challenge and opportunity that 2026 provides us, motivated by both the excitement and pressure to make some good changes.

First, the need to be flexible. I had a patient this week who proudly told me they want to exercise every day this year. It was the 5^th day of the year when they told me, and they had not yet started. So, their ability to move the start date back a few days is going to be a key to their success. Many folks who set the same goal would have already given up if they hadn’t started on January 1^st.

Second, if you don’t feel like you have had a chance to set meaningful goals for 2026, make space to do just that. The holidays can get busy and lots of us emerge from them without having had the time to reflect on what we want to work on. Take part or even the entire month of January to come up with goals for yourself. This isn’t a timed test. Take as much time as you need.

Third, find and build your community that will support you in these goals. Life is a much easier game when we are surrounded by family and friends, neighbors and classmates, co-workers and supporters. Strengthening your community may even become a goal in itself for the new year.

Last, once you have goals in hand, I like the 3-2-1 method for getting started. Think about the 3-day, 2-week and 1-month perspective on the goal. This is the art of making bite sized morsels out of an overwhelmingly-sized cake. Take, for example, a goal of trying to learn to swim. The 3-day goal might be to sign-up for swim lessons. The two-week goal might be to find a bathing suit. And the 1-month goal might be to have had a few lessons, to feel slightly more comfortable in the water. The bigger goal has been broken into immediate, achievable steps.

Have fun as we kick off the 2026 journey together.