A Perspective on War

I went to someone I trusted, someone I wanted to hear from on the topic. 

I asked my son.

Bah'Hozhooni is a 5th grader who I knew would help me understand why war continues to exist, why we have not found a way to evolve past it. It was also a way to have a conversation with him about something so important and yet so hard to figure out from a "parental teaching guide" standpoint.

Here is what he told me as I asked him questions and scribbled furiously to keep up with his answers.

Why do you think war exists?

Well, when people have their own opinions on a subject, they may use verbal violence or physical violence. They think that they need violence to win. You don’t need violence to win. Dr. King was a person who showed there is a way other than violence.

What have you seen as images of the war in Ukraine?

Bombs and houses being blown up. People having to escape.

Can you imagine what you would feel like if your house was suddenly destroyed? If your neighborhood or entire city was demolished?

I would be scared. I would be sad seeing my city gone to waste. I would be devastated. I would try my best to stay calm.

What do you think the kids of the world would say if we looked to them for advice on the topic of war?

The children would say to stay calm. Just stop. Stop the fighting. You are ruining your country’s reputation and ruining each other’s countries.

What would you say to children in Ukraine right now?

I would tell them that change will always come. You have to get used to what is going on around you. You can see a different side of you that comes out when life has changed where you are living. Most of all, try to stay calm. Picture times in the past when you have been happy, to help you escape disaster and violence. Everything will work out for you.

Will we ever evolve past war?

I don’t think so. There is always one person who disagrees. I hope that we would find a different way to solve our differences. We could have all of the nations sign a treaty that ends war as an option when there are disagreements.

What can we do to not forget about our brothers and sisters who are suffering in Ukraine?

We can pray for this situation to get solved. We can work for peace in our own communities.

Thank you, my son. Let us find ways to make inequities, poverty and all of the forms of violence things of the past. We have the tools to do so. You remind me of that.

Dad and Daughter Reflections on the Pandemic

The 2-year mark of the pandemic is behind us. Maybe you, like me, barely noticed this milestone over the weekend. Maybe not noticing it is a good sign.

Well, in unrelated news, I made yesterday "take your daughter to work day" for me and my oldest, Nizhoni. I was excited to have her see a bit of dad's work life. Maybe not the most exciting way for a teenager to spend one of her precious days of spring break, but she went along with the plan.

Nizhoni, soon to be a high schooler, is very important to this Writing to Heal journey. It was back in March 2020 where she said something at the dinner table that started me writing. She has also inspired other posts, including her role as "Miss B" the teacher and as she went through her Kinaalda coming of age ceremony.

Well, it seemed like a good use of our day together to write a piece. And so we did. The format was simple - both of us came up with two questions about the pandemic and then wrote our reflections to the questions without seeing what each other wrote. No edits were made to each other's answers.

If you have time today, find a question or two below and write your own reflection. And feel free to post it as a comment to this blog.

If you could do something different in how you responded to the pandemic in those first months, what would it be?

Nizhoni: My first reaction was to panic or be scared because it was scary to have everything shut down by a virus. If I could have reacted differently, I would have been calmer because I couldn't stop it by being scared. By calmer I still mean being safe and not going out but having more faith that it would be resolved instead of having a fixed mindset of it being here and there's no solution.  

 

Daddy: I remember being tied to the news in a way that was unhealthy in those first months. Yes, it was a way to understand what was happening, from big picture health orders to the science of how to best protect yourself and those around you. But it was an overload of COVID information at the exact time that we were cut off from normal social interactions. The news became one of my closest companions in those first months, and if I were to do it over, I would have a strict limit on how much I consumed.

Ten Years from now, what will you remember most about the pandemic?

Nizhoni: The thing I will remember most about the pandemic is feeling trapped. It was hard going weeks without seeing friends and family outside of your home. At the beginning you couldn’t go out to a park or exercise because of how contagious it was. 

Daddy: I realized at the time, with you Nizhoni and our family of six at home, that we would never have this amount of time together for the rest of our lives. We will get back to busy lives lived outside of our house. Not too far away, you all will move on to college and will have your own lives and families. This was a unique moment where we got to really live and breathe and work and eat with each other. There was a sense of safety and comfort in sharing this intimate space together with you all, and that will be something I always remember. 

How will the pandemic affect us for the rest of our lives?

Nizhoni: Yes, it will definitely have an effect on me. If I see someone sick or coughing its now just a reaction to give them some distance or put a mask on. When I am older and get sick, quarantining myself is what I would do even if it wasn’t bad but for the sake of not getting anyone else sick around me. Having someone get sick from you is a feeling you don’t want so the pandemic has definitely raised my caution level.

Daddy:  I hope that I will be that much more present in the moment, grateful for the moment as a result of the pandemic. It taught us how quickly what we have planned and what we think should be the way things happen can completely change. It showed us that all of this is out of our control. Nizhoni, I hope I can live the term “Inshallah” that Muslims qualify everything with much better. This means “God willing” and even if you are meeting someone in 5 minutes, you say “Inshallah” understanding that you cannot control the next few seconds, much less 5 minutes into the future. By not clinging to the future, I hope to live for fully in the present.

What do you see our relationship with masks being in the future?

Nizhoni: Honestly, I never see masks disappearing. They will be here for the comfort of those scared of illnesses. If not for that then masks will be there to protect lungs from pollution. Masks were here before the pandemic, and they will be after. 

Daddy: They make good slingshots (dad joke). Hmmm. I think we will know masks to some degree, and they won’t disappear completely. I think along with wearing a mask when we are sick, we will be more aware of the ways we can prevent getting others sick more so in the future. In the past, you went to school or work with a fever and mild viral symptoms. Now, I think we would feel guilty doing so, as we think of the risk we are to others. 

Honoring Our Women

A day to recognize the beautiful women in our lives.

Moms and grandmothers.

Sisters and aunties.

Incredible women that make each of us who we are.

My momma, Rosemarie. A loving, beautiful person who I consider friend, mentor, role model, but always and most important, momma. Honoring you today.

My momma Susie. A strong, loving presence in my life. Never an in-law, just “shima”. Honoring you today.

My wife, Shannon. My partner in life’s journey and someone I have loved from our first meeting. I admire and respect you more than I am able to tell you. Honoring you today.

Mom Susie, Shannon and Mom Rosie (L --> R) on wedding day, 6/18/05

My grandmothers Elaine, Rose, Mae and Mary. I love you for your feisty and daring ways that you chose to be you in times that did not allow women to assert themselves. You produced amazing sons and daughters who shine brilliant rays of your light. Honoring you today.

My sisters Shelly, Danielle, Loni, Kee, Christy, Jennifer, Monica, Moneka, Sasha, Theresa, Magi, Anzia, Jazz, Janice, Julianna, Dakota, Lynette, Leah, Carey and all of the others who emanate love and beauty and teach me about life endlessly. Honoring you today.

My aunties Ida, Lois, Phylis, Eileen, Alane, Tonya, Eloise, Beverly, Kristine, Ella, Karen, Yosa and all of the others who take the time to mold and scold me in an eternal embrace. Honoring you today.

Grandmom Rose and Aunt Ida, 1985ish

And to the three beautiful young ladies who call me daddy - Nizhoni, Shandiin, and Sihasin - I am thankful you chose me for that duty. Honoring you today.

I have learned from my wife and Dine’ family that all of us who identify as men carry feminine in us. It is the balance to our masculine traits. We all carry the bloodline of strong, beautiful women. I honor this part of who I am today.

I know that I can do more to protect and honor women. And I will take today as a day to reflect on how I can improve in this realm.

Let us all honor the women in our lives today. Tomorrow as well.