A wonderful Friday to each of you.
Some good friends and I had a conversation this week about
the YES/NO Exercise, and I wanted to share this with you all.
For those who feel their plate is too full, or for those
whose loved ones tell them so, this is a particularly important exercise.
The premise is simple – when we say YES to things in life,
we are also saying NO to other things as a result. In that moment of saying YES
to a new commitment, we would do well to think of the question: If I say YES to
this, what am I saying NO to at the same time?
The simple truth underlying this: we have a
finite amount of time and energy to give to the world, and by saying YES to one
thing, we are indeed saying NO to other things.
In our conversation this week, we admitted that we tend to ignore
the NO part of the equation entirely, for a variety of reasons. In terms of
saying YES to giving more (e.g. signing up for a volunteer cause, agreeing to
serve on a board, etc) we feel guilty thinking about the things we would be
saying NO to. Things like time with family, self-care, time to pursue a hobby,
etc. Those things don’t feed our ego and our need to be relevant in the world
in the same way that some of the things we say YES to might, but without these
things, we begin to crumble at our core. And the plate gets more and more crowded.
Putting it into practice:
1. Take something that you have said YES to in the last month. List the positives that this YES has had for you.
2. Now, think about what things you gave up by taking this thing on, the things you said NO to.
3. Given what this YES has brought you AND what it has forced you to say NO to, how do you feel about this decision?
This might not come naturally at first – most folks struggle
with the NO part of the exercise. I liken the YES/NO Exercise to a muscle; it
is going to need to be worked on for it to get stronger.
And its okay if you find yourself resisting. “I can say YES
and just become more efficient and therefore don’t have to say NO to anything.”
That’s the voice that goes off in my head when I try to rationalize putting
more on an already over-filled plate.
I hope this is helpful, and is something you can begin to do
more regularly. If you, like me, find yourself looking for more hours in the
day to get everything done, I think the issue isn’t the clock – the issue is
that we have to get better at saying NO, really weighing out the YES/NO
consequences for each thing we commit to.
I think this exercise helps us YES people get better at
saying NO.
I have one corollary before I go. Do you have another
moment?
When we say NO to things, what are we saying YES to? When I,
despite my propensity to say YES to everything, actually say “NO, I can’t take
that Saturday commitment on.” I should do the same exercise as above, this time
validating what I am saying YES to in that decision. “By saying no to this added
commitment, I am giving myself a chance to get my hands in the dirt and plant a
garden with my family this spring.”
