Meeting the excitement and pressure of the new year

8^th day of the new year.

A great moment to check in. How are you doing? How are you feeling? Energy level?

The first days of the new year come with a lot of excitement and a lot of pressure.

Excitement for the sense of renewal, and becoming better versions of ourselves. Excitement in putting the last year to rest and starting with a clean slate. Excitement at putting down some old habits and picking up some new habits.

Pressure to become better, to change, to have ambitious goals. We feel that pressure each time someone innocently asks us about our new year’s resolutions. However, a lot of the pressure in January is self-inflicted. It comes from a very good place – our desire to improve and enhance our lives and our living. And pressure, whether external or internal, can be a very good motivator for us to do things we would not otherwise do. Think back to coaches, teachers, and bosses you have had. The ones that got the most out of you probably did so through a healthy amount of pressure to succeed.

A few thoughts as we link arms to accept the challenge and opportunity that 2026 provides us, motivated by both the excitement and pressure to make some good changes.

First, the need to be flexible. I had a patient this week who proudly told me they want to exercise every day this year. It was the 5^th day of the year when they told me, and they had not yet started. So, their ability to move the start date back a few days is going to be a key to their success. Many folks who set the same goal would have already given up if they hadn’t started on January 1^st.

Second, if you don’t feel like you have had a chance to set meaningful goals for 2026, make space to do just that. The holidays can get busy and lots of us emerge from them without having had the time to reflect on what we want to work on. Take part or even the entire month of January to come up with goals for yourself. This isn’t a timed test. Take as much time as you need.

Third, find and build your community that will support you in these goals. Life is a much easier game when we are surrounded by family and friends, neighbors and classmates, co-workers and supporters. Strengthening your community may even become a goal in itself for the new year.

Last, once you have goals in hand, I like the 3-2-1 method for getting started. Think about the 3-day, 2-week and 1-month perspective on the goal. This is the art of making bite sized morsels out of an overwhelmingly-sized cake. Take, for example, a goal of trying to learn to swim. The 3-day goal might be to sign-up for swim lessons. The two-week goal might be to find a bathing suit. And the 1-month goal might be to have had a few lessons, to feel slightly more comfortable in the water. The bigger goal has been broken into immediate, achievable steps.

Have fun as we kick off the 2026 journey together.

Musings from the Roller Skating Rink

Now, we find ourselves with three days left in 2025.

A natural place for a pause.

A chance to reflect and look over what was the year that has been.

A wonderful moment to vision what the year to come might be.

Where would you go to find inspiration in this moment? Is there a place in nature that calls you out here on December 29^th? Maybe even a nook in your house or a coffee shop or public library that is one of your sacred spaces.

All very good options, and I urge you to seek these places out, to make space for quiet and reflection in these last days of 2025.

My spot for inspiration was slightly less obvious. Strobe lights, music blasting, and lots of teen/tween energy. Any guesses?

Answer: The roller skating rink!

I decided to jump in with my daughters and try roller skating with them. I didn’t quite want to be out there on wheels, but I also didn’t want to sit on the sidelines. As a dad, going out of my comfort zone to do things with my children usually works out well.

And maybe right here, as I stepped timidly onto the wooden floor, wobbling like a deer taking its first steps, is a reminder for our 2026 journey:

Jump on in! Lace up the skates and go for it.

Amazingly, about thirty minutes later I was still in one piece, doing a decent job at faking it that I was comfortable on skates. And loving the thrill of being out there with my daughters.

Then I noticed something quite interesting about us adults in the arena. In fact, I watched my fellow moms and dads skating to make sure my observation was correct.

While the kids were out there to skate for joy, to experience the thrill of pushing their limits, going as fast as they could, us adults were out there with a goal of not falling. In fact, while kids were often on the ground, laughing about what just happened to cause them to tumble, I never saw an adult fall. Not in any way because we were better skaters – no, it was simply that we skated not to fall, while the kids skated to feel exhilaration. For them, even the falls themselves were a part of the fun.

As we head into 2026, may we all work to get beyond fear of failure and fear of falling in our life adventures. May we follow the kids' lead and skate for joy and exhilaration.

In fact, maybe our goal in 2026 should be to fall a few times, as that would be a great sign that we were pushing our limits. And maybe, just maybe, when we do fall, we can giggle about it and see that the fall as a success.

Signing out from the temple of wisdom that is the roller skating rink. 

Happy new year everyone!

Silence and Stillness

 

Silence and stillness seek you.

It may have been awhile since you have talked, 

But they are ready to sit with you and give you all the time you need.

Silence and stillness in these last two weeks of the year are likely the best presents we can gift ourselves.

Silence and stillness, in these last 1.5 million heartbeats that will get us to 2026, could become our new rhythm.

Will we accept their invitation?

Will we make space for nothingness, for everything, for ourselves this holiday season?

 

May you find silence and stillness in these last days of the year, brothers and sisters.

And in those moments where you become distracted and overwhelmed,

May silence and stillness find you.

Mad Dash!

The plane wheels touched down at 11:33.

I exited the plan about 10 minutes later.

James Bond-esque dodging in and out of the airport-goers to get to an Uber at 11:51.

I was now speeding toward the University of California-Davis Medical School where I was to give a talk at 12:00.

[But for a moment, I let my mind wonder…No, I was trying to catch the smugglers before they left their hideout, one that I had discovered using binoculars and a pair of tweezers. This was becoming more like an A-Team episode…]

But back to reality, here I was on the highway, in an Uber, having left my wife behind to get bags and rental car. My head pounded from a morning of stress as delayed flights ruined the best made plans.

And then, I have to tell you about another person in this story.

Her name is Ashley. She was the one who arranged for the Uber, ditching our previous Plan B which was for me to somehow give the talk via Zoom from the Sacramento airport, as we didn’t think I could make it to the talk in person.

[I had imagined my wife getting surrounded by airport security. “Ma’am, you can’t leave luggage or husbands unattended in the airport. He has been over there at Baggage Carousel #5 for the last 40 minutes, talking about who knows what and annoying the heck out of our customers.”]

Ashley was that gentle guide that you need when in trouble, when things start spinning a bit too fast.

As the Uber screeched to the curb at the medical school at 12:12, Ashley was there waiting to escort me to the building. Her smile reassured me that all was going to be okay.

A few technical difficulties later, around 12:23, the talk began.

Ashley, and the good people at UC Davis, thank you for making yesterday something I can write about this morning with a smile.

And a receding headache…

Soul Recovery Cafe' - Healing Through Community

For those looking for a new path, a way to put addiction and trauma behind them, there is a new option in town.

The Soul Recovery Café (SRC) is an incredible group of individuals working on their own recovery as they build a space for others to do the same. They are not a twelve-step program, but have members who take part in these programs (e.g. Alcoholics Anonymous). SRC brings in traditional medicine and he healing power of movement into their work. But above it all, they recognize that addiction creates isolation and their work is to build community for all who are in their programs. This community becomes the scaffold on which recovery and new paths are built.

Their director, Elise Padilla, said a few things about their work that I felt are worth sharing, principles that all of us can aspire to live by.

1.       “We don’t build programs, we build community. The community will then build our programs.”

      Too often, we focus on how to build amazing programs without thinking much about how to build the community part. SRC takes the approach that if you get people who begin to trust one another, over food, conversation, ceremony, etc. then those people will bring their talents and ideas to do the work of building the programs.

Foundations for SRC’s work: radical hospitality and loving accountability

To be radically hospitable…sign me up. What a great thing to shoot for! To have an open-arms acceptance of those in our midst. Loving accountability thrown into the mix. Loving others in a way that is honest. It is love that is not afraid of hurting feelings, but is instead focused on promoting healing.

Finally, Elise shared that she has two rules for those who work at SRC:

(1)    Keep it fun

(2)    If you aren’t working on yourself, you aren’t working with me

The first part of this, a simple reminder that the most serious of work (e.g. helping someone out of addiction) should have fun elements at its core if it is to be effective. And the second, a reminder that in all of our work and lives, we must commit to our own healing and practice that if we hope to inspire others to do the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope the SRC way of doing things brings a smile to your heart this Friday.

And if you want to join us on New Year’s Day, we will be putting on a fun, non-competitive walk/run. The 3^rd Annual New Year’s Prediction Run/Walk is free, but we offer people a chance to donate funds that will go directly to SRC, with a goal of raising $5000. The entire event is centered in celebrating those in recovery, whether they are hours or days or months or years into sobriety. Hope that you will join us!

Fall Foliage Brilliance

 An ode to the trees is warranted.

Have you seen their brilliant yellows, oranges and reds around town?

Have you thanked them for their brilliance in showing up just when we need them?

Have you shared with them a story or two, sharing your brilliant colors in return?

The trees are magnificent this year, and today’s blog is a shout out to let them know their colorful gifts to our brownish NM landscape has not gone un-noticed.

As we often host out-of-town guests for Thanksgiving, I find myself apologizing for the brownish landscape.

“See that bare cottonwood over there? Just two weeks ago, it had bright yellow leaves that were incredible. 

[Skeptical look on relative's face]

"Here, let me show you a picture on my phone.”

 

I think this moment gives us a chance to learn and reflect as well.

The trees remind us that there is a season for everything.

The leaves must fall to nourish the earth so that the cycle of life can continue. Their work has not finished just because they fell from the tree. It is continuing, a next part of their journey.

The branches must become bare as winter calls for an energetic hibernation for all creatures, a redistribution of resources to survive through the winter.

The bare branches also a necessity for us to then appreciate the first green buds and leaves in the spring, lest we take such things for granted.

 

What lessons do you see + feel + hear in this transition moment?

Our 4 kiddos in front of trees @ Tingley Beach on Tuesday.

A Spooky Surprise

We stopped at the impressive Halloween display. An incredible fantasy land of inflatables. Clearly a family that loves the holiday and wants to make it special for others.

“Let’s get out of the car,” my daughter pleaded. “I bet we can see more that way.”

So, we became the intrusive sort of Halloween gazers, now peering through the front gates to get a better look at all that was inside. Skeletons, Dragons, Eyeballs, Ghosts and Ghouls.

My daughter asked, “What’s that noise?”

I listened and heard a beeping sound. I stepped back, thinking we had triggered an alarm system. 

Were we going to have an angry confrontation, being accused of trespassing?

Moments later, the gate began to open. Should we run?

Joel and Daniel, the homeowners came out to greet us.

“Come on into the yard and look around. And thank you for visiting.”

They proceeded to give us a tour of an incredible display of inflatables. My pictures here don’t do it justice.

But it wasn’t the inflatables that inspired this piece. It was the warmth with which this wonderful couple welcomed us, rewarding our “friendly trespassing” with a private tour of their ghostly landscape.

On the ride home, my simple words to my daughter:

“There are indeed many good people in this world.”

Thank you Joel and Daniel for the reminder.